Active Listening Cheat Sheet

If you want to be a better listener to troubled people, print this out and carry it in your pocket.  When someone you care about expresses a great problem, worry, or difficulty, take out the cheat sheet to help you come up with one of these responses:

TO SHOW EMPATHY AND OPEN COMMUNICATION, SAY:

  • I guess you're feeling . . . (fill in an appropriate feeling - worried, anxious, distressed and so on).  Is that it?
  • You seem . . . (fill in an appropriate feeling). 
  • It sounds like . . . Is that it?
  • I guess you wish . . . Is that it?
  • You sound upset (angry, frustrated).  What's up?
  • You seem worried that ... is going to happen.  Is that it?  

BEFORE GIVING ADVICE, YOU MIGHT SAY

  • So you’re saying . . .
  • What have you tried so far?
  • How did that work?
  • What else have you considered?

and then -- if you really, really want to give advice -- say:

  • Do you want to know what I think?
 
 

 

Testimonials

"I have never been as grateful for a course in all the years of my education.  Lil taught me more than simply making an impact with my sentences.  She taught me how to communicate, how to listen, and how to have a positive effect on everyone I spoke to.  Much of what I learned was not on the syllabus, but happened from being in the class, and I can't thank her enough.  It has changed my relationships with those closest to me, not to mention the attention I receive when I speak to those I do business with.  I find myself channelling Lil all the time, even months after her course. Thank you Lil...your lessons have made my life so much more enjoyable!" - Jennifer Duke Holmes - MDM Ryerson University

"I wish you’d come back to Victoria to give the faculty another session. The few hours I got to spend with you were some of the most useful I’ve ever spent on professional development." Lorna Crozier, award-winning poet, professor University of Victoria

“The ability to communicate effectively is especially important in my role as an elected official, and I have Lil Blume to thank.  Her communications course has taught me important lessons on how to listen with empathy and communicate non-defensively – skills that are essential whether I am in a boardroom debate, being interviewed by the media, or on the phone with a constituent.  Lil is a dynamic and energetic teacher who delivers with passion."
– Shaun Chen is a Canadian politician who was elected to represent the riding of Scarborough North in the House of Commons of Canada in the Canadian federal election, 2015

"As a business professional, Lil's class taught me the importance of connecting with my audience during a pitch or presentation.  Her teachings were truly inspiring and eye-opening." – Phillip Raffi, student in Master of Digital Media Program, Ryerson University.  Phil’s presentation on his team’s business plan, Materialyze, won $25,000 start-up funds in the Slaight Communications Business Plan Competition. 

“I've kept the notes from your class.  I'm still very on top of nondefensive communication.  I'm working on active listening for my medical school interview right now.  It's the only material from my masters I still keep in mind daily.”
Ryan Primeau, MScAC graduate.